Friday, August 14, 2015

Types of Neighbors

In the 4 summers (and school years and blah blah blah) that I've lived on my own, I've lived in an apartment complex, a house that was split into two apartments and a studio, and a duplex. Add to the fact that I've also lived in two extremely different locations (New England and North Carolina) and it's safe to say I've had every type of neighbor there is... well except for the one that breaks into your house and kills you. Gulp. I kid, I kid. Anyhow, here are some types of neighbors you'll find out there: 

The Mean Ones- these are the neighbors who for whatever reason just don't like you, and will make sure you are well aware of the fact any chance they get. Is your car a quarter of an inch too close to theirs? They're going to leave a nasty note on your windshield. Did you accidentally drop a dish, causing them to hear a loud thud? Expect a noise complaint to be called in. They're those neighbors.

The Nosey Ones- these neighbors seem to know everything about you. You had a friend over? Oh yes, they remember, the friend didn't leave until after dinner. You were floating in the pool? Oh yes, they remember, Saturday afternoon around 3 wasn't it? It's gotten to the point where they can probably tell you what you ate for dinner last Thursday, just in case you forgot.

The Fantasy Sex Couple- you can remember the first time you heard them; you were reading in the living room in between classes, when you hear a "yee-haw" followed by some interesting sounds. Confused, you strain to listen, while furiously texting your roommate. You figure it's a one time cowboy thing, until you hear other "fantasies" over the next few days. We're talking cop/robber, teacher/student, and yes, even a duet one time. 

The Mom Who Doesn't Care- this is the neighbor with a kid or two, who you are really rooting for. Or at least you were until she woke you (and the rest of the neighborhood) up at 3am for the fifth night in a row, screaming at her boyfriend/baby daddy to get out. You may also hear screaming on the phone/at random people during the day about how she can take care of her kids and how dare anyone say otherwise. True story my friends. True story.

The Stompers- why are these neighbors so loud?! You swear they wear tap shoes with lead in the heals and toes, just to annoy you. You hear them going up and down the stairs, across the floor, out on the sidewalk... they're everywhere! Generally it will get to the point when you consider calling animal control because you are 99.9% positive that they are hoarding a family of elephants in their apartment because how can anyone be that loud?!

The Party People- I think I hate these ones most of all. These neighbors seem to always be throwing parties, sometimes even in the middle of the week. They are loud, obnoxious, and don't seem to care that some people actually like to sleep at 3am on a Tuesday.

The Sketchballs- if any of my neighbors were going to come kill me on a rainy night when my roommates are gone, I'm putting my money on the sketchballs. These are the ones who will sit on their porch and stare at you when you go to get your mail/walk your dog/go for a run/do anything where you are in their view. They wont even look away when you look back at them.

The Hippies- there's nothing wrong with these neighbors, you actually probably really like them. They have a compost, garden, and are usually pretty nice! But you sometimes wonder what would happen if you forgot to recycle for a week...

The Wackos- you're pretty sure these neighbors are selling drugs, or maybe stolen TVs. They're always yelling strange things outside, and have a million cars out front. You're no longer shocked when you look out your window and see the police parked outside their house. That's just how it is.

The Stoner- this neighbor may fit in to some of the other categories above, but generally when you think of this person, you immediately thing of skunky smells and red eyes. This person must be lighting up around the clock, because the smell has even made it's way into your house. All the Fabreeze in the world wont get rid of it, you've tried.

If you've never experienced any of these types of neighbors, well then you're lying... or you are one! I've had every type, and more. I'm not kidding, the scenarios I listed above actually happened (and yes the fantasy sex couple was really strange and lived below me). Which type of neighbor do you have?


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