Over my 6 summers working and managing a store on the beach, there are some questions I get asked on a daily basis by tourists, and I always have to give the most polite answer possible. Here's what I really want to say:
1. "Do I have to pay the meter?" No lady, they just put them there for fun.
2. "Uhm, wasn't the price $4.99?" Yes, yes it is. There's and affliction called Tax and we suffer from it in Maine.
3. "There's tax on clothes? You people just tax everything don't you!" If by "you people" you mean the state of Maine and many other states... ya sure.
4. "I got that off the 50% off rack." Yes, I know. "Don't forget that's 50% off." Ya, I got it. "And what's the new price with the discount?" It was $10 to start with. What do you think the new price is?
5. "Hi, I'm looking for kids bucket hats..." So you walked into the store that says 'piercings, tattoos and posters' and has prank gifts and Bob Marley t-shirts in the window?
6. "...well what store around here has that?" ...I live here. Do you really think I go into the other tourist shops?
7. "Do you sell bowls/pipes/bongs?" Nope.
8. "I swear you sold [insert item here] last year. I was here, I know." Yeah buddy, me too. I just so happen to manage the store and I know for a fact we didn't sell whatever it is you're looking for.
9. "Can you give me a discount? Or a deal?" ...would you go into Walmart and ask the cashier that?
10. "What's the lowest you'll take for this?" See the number on that sticker? That low. This isn't a flea market, stop haggling.
11. "How much are all the T-Shirts?" ...again, would you go into American Eagle and ask that? They're all different.
12. "I would have bought it but it's made in China/Korea/Some Other Place." Okay. Move along. Someone else will buy it.
13. "Oh it's locally made? That's great!" *looks at price* "Oh that's steep. Thanks anyway." Don't complain about stuff being made over seas then.
14. "No honey, I don't want you going in that store." Do I smell? Are the Beatles and Greatful Dead t-shirts going to convert your son/daughter into some horrible human being? I think not.
15. "That's just ridiculous! I will never buy anything from you again!" Bye Felicia...
16. "Everything says Maine on it." ...yeah... that's the point...
17. "Do you sell post cards?" NO!
18. "Can you hold this for me? I'll be back" No you wont.
Then there are always those tourists whose actions speak louder than their words.
19. Tourist: *violently shakes a higher up t-shirt.* Me: Do you want me to get that down for you? Tourist: "No I'm just browsing." *10 Minutes Later* Tourist: "Hi, I need help getting a t-shirt down."
20. You always get those young teen boys who come in giggling, thinking they're cool, bobbing their head to some Kendrick and then one says "Oh I love Kanye!" Get out. Get out right now. (True story).
21. Tourist: *snaps fingers* Me: *ignoring her because I'm not a dog* Tourist: *Snapping again* "Helloooo, excuse meeee" Me: Can I help you with som- Tourist: "Get that shirt for me. Large." Me: Yes master...
22. There's always the person who just stands at the register staring at me. Me: I need to scan that sir... Tourist: "Oh! Oh okay." Me: *Face palm*
23. Me: Hi! How are you? Tourist: *Crickets*
24. When I've already closed the door, and all the lights are off except for one and someone walks in the door. Tourist: "Oh are you closing?" Me: Yeah... That's why the lights are off and the big red sign on the door says 'CLOSED.'
25. *Tourist comes in with children and ice cream* Me: I'm sorry, I can't have food or drinks in the store. Tourist: *Scowls* "Come on honey, they don't want us here."
26. There's nothing worse than the tourist who comes in and tries to tell you what your store used to be X amount of years ago. Tourist: "You know back in the day when I was young..." Me: Stop. Please stop. One, you're young and two, I've probably heard this before.
27. Children. All the children. They come in and play with my laser pointers and anything they can get their sticky little hands on. If you want me to babysit that's gonna be extra.
I could go on for days. Some of the things I hear and see make me lose all hope in humanity. At the same time, I love to be that annoying tourist when I go to new places, so I can't complain that much.